Dear CEO's
Dear CEO's,
I think you owe me some money. I know that you feel all proud of the fact that you do your work for free, taking no salary at all, but let's stop pretending okay? You are the wealthiest people on the planet, and while I do appreciate the occasional civic center, and ballfield, really I do, let's not pretend that you and I don't both know that was a really nice write off for you. Let's also be clear that those dividends that you receive tax free every year for all your hard work is more money than I, and all of my children and their children added together will make in all of our lifetimes. This seems a little unfair to me especially in light of the fact that without me, and people like me, you would have no money at all. And we can just leave out the whole Enron and Mortgage debacles, I won't even bring them up. I won't mention high fructose corn syrup, or mountain top removal, I know you didn't mean to ruin our health and our landscape you kept us fed and warm right? I won't even throw that bailout thing in your face, promise, cross my heart, I know how defensive you get when we talk about the "B" word.
So, to make a fresh start, here's what I am thinking, why don't you go back to taking a salary, make it a big WHOPPING salary, and just pay the taxes. I would be cool with that, just pay your taxes so that the schools that my kids attend can have new books, and so that the bridges I drive over won't collapse. I will stop complaining, and you can feel good about yourself that you did your part. You will still have more money than God so everyone's happy right?!
If that doesn't work for you, how about you write me a great
big check... say, Oh, a million dollars (Seriously I know that is nothing compared to the Trillions we gave you a couple years back, oh gosh sorry, I said I wouldn't mention it, my bad.) In return I will dedicate every room in my house to you and your family, I'll even spend a bunch of it on a big sign for the front of my house, Or a beautiful original portrait of you can hang in my living room I know how much you love portraits of yourself. I promise to keep working for you and spending money on your products, and I will even keep a credit card with 30% interest just as a wink to you! Make check(s) payable to Eleanore Wood, thank you for your prompt attention to this matter.
I think you owe me some money. I know that you feel all proud of the fact that you do your work for free, taking no salary at all, but let's stop pretending okay? You are the wealthiest people on the planet, and while I do appreciate the occasional civic center, and ballfield, really I do, let's not pretend that you and I don't both know that was a really nice write off for you. Let's also be clear that those dividends that you receive tax free every year for all your hard work is more money than I, and all of my children and their children added together will make in all of our lifetimes. This seems a little unfair to me especially in light of the fact that without me, and people like me, you would have no money at all. And we can just leave out the whole Enron and Mortgage debacles, I won't even bring them up. I won't mention high fructose corn syrup, or mountain top removal, I know you didn't mean to ruin our health and our landscape you kept us fed and warm right? I won't even throw that bailout thing in your face, promise, cross my heart, I know how defensive you get when we talk about the "B" word.
So, to make a fresh start, here's what I am thinking, why don't you go back to taking a salary, make it a big WHOPPING salary, and just pay the taxes. I would be cool with that, just pay your taxes so that the schools that my kids attend can have new books, and so that the bridges I drive over won't collapse. I will stop complaining, and you can feel good about yourself that you did your part. You will still have more money than God so everyone's happy right?!
If that doesn't work for you, how about you write me a great
big check... say, Oh, a million dollars (Seriously I know that is nothing compared to the Trillions we gave you a couple years back, oh gosh sorry, I said I wouldn't mention it, my bad.) In return I will dedicate every room in my house to you and your family, I'll even spend a bunch of it on a big sign for the front of my house, Or a beautiful original portrait of you can hang in my living room I know how much you love portraits of yourself. I promise to keep working for you and spending money on your products, and I will even keep a credit card with 30% interest just as a wink to you! Make check(s) payable to Eleanore Wood, thank you for your prompt attention to this matter.
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