Phenomenal Woman

I read "I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings" when I was in my early twenties.  I was newly married.  I had spent the last part of my childhood and the very early part of my adulthood filled with shame and self loathing.  I had been in a 5 year relationship with a broken boy who's only way to help himself was to hurt others.  I felt very much like a victim, I felt very much like someone who was damaged.  I was fortunate enough to have the courage to remove myself from that bad situation and to start to rebuild the unbroken parts of me, and to heal the broken parts.  Very early in my healing I found another boy, a healthy, loving, laughing, musical boy who wanted to share his life with me and who was willing to hold my hand as I traveled along the bumpy murky healing road.

The beginning of my healing was sometimes full of light and joy and sometimes it seemed as if I were at the bottom of a dark pit from which I would never escape.  It was during this manic time of searching I read Maya's words.  She told me that broken people can heal.   She told me that it is okay to love yourself, it was okay to love your sexuality, and to feel good about being a woman without shame.  She told me that you can transform into a beautiful unbroken person, you can choose who you want to be. She taught my heart to dance, she informed my laughter and my smiles. I then quickly read as many of her poems and essays as I could, I listened to her interviews.  I read "The Heart of a Woman" and learned about motherhood and acceptance and adventure.  I learned about being a minority and not letting it define you.  It was from these stories that I, a white girl from middle class Michigan, began to heal myself. I began to love myself and not feel shame.  She taught me to let go of hate and blame to see my own choices and she empowered me to make better ones.  She led me to self discovery in a kind, but stern and smiling way.  She told me I didn't have to be a victim, that I could choose.

 Years later I was blessed to have a daughter as my second child, and I named her Maya for the great inspiration she was for me in hopes her wisdom would live on in my children. I can't wait to tell my now 7 year old daughter more stories of her namesake, I can't wait for her to discover the truths found in these words for herself, I can't wait to learn from her the new wisdoms she discovers. I want her to feel what a joy it is to be a woman phenomenally.

I was so deeply sad this morning when I read of Maya's passing. In my 30s I accidentally moved into her town, she is my neighbor and I only regret I never got to meet her.  I love her as much as a person can love someone whom they have never met.  I am her daughter, she has said so and she accepts me.  She has guidance for me still as I have still more books to read.  There is a wisdom for my middle aged self that my young self couldn't yet understand and I am overjoyed to know Maya has left it there for me just waiting for me to pick it up again.  I spent this morning with Youtube listening to her lyrical soothing voice, her soulful love filled sound.  Listening to her talk to her sons and daughters, us, the men and women of the world whom she accepts and she has issued a challenge.  To live without complaint.  To accept others as who they are, and to laugh more, love more fully all the world's children.  It seems a simple challenge but I am old enough and just wise enough to know it is not simple, it is probably the most difficult and worthy challenge she could leave us with. Rest in peace dancing, smiling, loving, laughing, songbird, your song lives on.