Archive: There is no money in viruses
I originally wrote this back in 2008, a conversation with my brother +John Kangas reminded me of it today so I thought I would pull it from my myspace blog and post it here:
For those of you who may not know it, I now am working part time as
techinical support for an ISP back in Michigan. I work a couple of days
a week from my home.
Today I experienced an interesting phenomenon while talking to a customer. He wanted to know if I knew how to fix the worm that causes your computer to disconnect from the internet after one minute.
I explained to him that I knew of no such worm, and that problem was not likely to be caused by a worm, as worms are made simply to propogate themselves and it would be counter intuitive for a worm to cause you to lose your internet connection. This really bummed him out and he didn't believe me. Then he proceeded to talk to me about how computers are his life now since the accident. He gave me detailed accounts of his computers and all his plans for them.
I quickly realized that his man NEEDS viruses. A computer virus serves many purposes for him. It gives him a scapegoat whenever he messes up one of his computers. It also makes him feel important. It gives him something to talk about with the "guys". "Hey I got this killer virus the other day and listen to my heroic tale of how I thwarted it..." After politely arguing with him for a moment, I almost explained to him how viruses are all but gone now. The virus creaters are all working for spyware companies. Instead of trying to take down the Internet just because they can, they now get paid to pop up ads at you, to try to infiltrate your buying habits, to get you to spend your hard earned money on junk you don't need. I almost told him that the dragons are all extinct, reduced now to merely annoying vermin from the mysterious beasts they once were. However, after hearing him go on about his past viruses I decided against telling him that viruses are dead. I realized I would be taking away this man's glory. I would take away his bragging rites, his cyber goliath. I instead changed my tack and commisurated for a moment with him about what a nuisance viruses are, and what bastards "they" are for creating them.
I didn't need to show him my own brilliance by debunking his fantasy. I no longer wanted to put his ideas down and make him realize just how much he doesn't know about computers. He doesn't know it, but he is my virus, my heroic tale, my ego boost. In the end I let him have his virus. I thanked him for calling and encouraged him in his quest to irradicate the beast, and thus I humbly learned a little about myself.
At the end of this writing I am no longer feeling angry that a customer wasted my precious time with his idiocy. I am also no longer feeling sorry for him and his pathetic life. I actually feel a bit of hope and maybe a tiny bit of envy. Fascinating.
There is no money in viruses
Today I experienced an interesting phenomenon while talking to a customer. He wanted to know if I knew how to fix the worm that causes your computer to disconnect from the internet after one minute.
I explained to him that I knew of no such worm, and that problem was not likely to be caused by a worm, as worms are made simply to propogate themselves and it would be counter intuitive for a worm to cause you to lose your internet connection. This really bummed him out and he didn't believe me. Then he proceeded to talk to me about how computers are his life now since the accident. He gave me detailed accounts of his computers and all his plans for them.
I quickly realized that his man NEEDS viruses. A computer virus serves many purposes for him. It gives him a scapegoat whenever he messes up one of his computers. It also makes him feel important. It gives him something to talk about with the "guys". "Hey I got this killer virus the other day and listen to my heroic tale of how I thwarted it..." After politely arguing with him for a moment, I almost explained to him how viruses are all but gone now. The virus creaters are all working for spyware companies. Instead of trying to take down the Internet just because they can, they now get paid to pop up ads at you, to try to infiltrate your buying habits, to get you to spend your hard earned money on junk you don't need. I almost told him that the dragons are all extinct, reduced now to merely annoying vermin from the mysterious beasts they once were. However, after hearing him go on about his past viruses I decided against telling him that viruses are dead. I realized I would be taking away this man's glory. I would take away his bragging rites, his cyber goliath. I instead changed my tack and commisurated for a moment with him about what a nuisance viruses are, and what bastards "they" are for creating them.
I didn't need to show him my own brilliance by debunking his fantasy. I no longer wanted to put his ideas down and make him realize just how much he doesn't know about computers. He doesn't know it, but he is my virus, my heroic tale, my ego boost. In the end I let him have his virus. I thanked him for calling and encouraged him in his quest to irradicate the beast, and thus I humbly learned a little about myself.
At the end of this writing I am no longer feeling angry that a customer wasted my precious time with his idiocy. I am also no longer feeling sorry for him and his pathetic life. I actually feel a bit of hope and maybe a tiny bit of envy. Fascinating.
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